What I Want In My Life

I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to decide what to do with my life but really struggling with making decisions at the moment. And I have to make some decisions. The followings are what i want in my small life:

1. To pursue my studies – Though I don’t want to spend years of my life in Uni
2. To settle all my works on time without any delay
3. To find the perfect guy – I had Razi. I just wish I could have the old him back
4. To stop wasting my life away online – I need to go out and get my education and be happy
5. To find a 100% clean guy – Doesn’t smoke or drink or do drugs
6. To be happy in love – I need it back!
7. To only stay friends with loyal and honest friends – No staying friends with so called friends and no staying in a none loyal relationship.
8. To be married – Hopefully one day.
9. To have children of my own – Hopefully one day.
10. Have clear skin
11. Earn enough money to help and support my family (parents/siblings/husband/children)
12. Watch all Roswell episodes
13. Marry a gentleman
14. Buy and live in a nice family home somewhere in the country or near a beach
15. Fall in love with a man that will love me like Fairus loves Wani
16. Achieve my goals
17. Be happy
18. World peace
19. To stop pushing people away
20. To go on a road-trip with just me and a loved one
21. Sleep under the stars
22. Go for more late night walks
23. To be a good person (sister/friend/daughter/niece/cousin)
24. Read more books
25. Drink more water
26. Take better care of myself
27. To keep in routine
28. To travel
29. Take lots of photos of memories and beautiful nature
30. To stop wasting time
31. Be more positive rather than negative
32. Learn to cook
33. To fall in real deep love
34. Be less influenced by other peoples opinions
35. Make scrapbooks of memories
36. Have a perfect romantic relationship
37. Go rock climbing
38. Go to the cinema more
39. Be able to sleep easily
40. To be forgiven
41. Learn more about law and Islam
42. Be honest with myself
43. Be aware of my feelings and emotions
44. Be able to control my feelings and emotions
45. To be loved deeply and honestly
46. Have 2 children (boy and girl)
47. Get over my depression
48. Live everyday like it’s my last – not waste time. Do the things I enjoy.
49. Spend my life with family, bestie n him
50. Support my family financially and emotionally
51. Help the earth – stop global warming
52. Find true love
53. Have a successful marriage. Stay married and live happily ever after
54. Make people close to me proud of me
55. Always have something to look forward to
56. Not worry what others think of me
57. Show my family how much they really mean to me
58. Overcome my fear of the dark
59. Live passionately
60. Watch the sunset and sunrise with someone special
61. Spend the rest of my life with Razi
62. Never give up
63. Embrace my romantic side
64. Be more patient
65. Control my temper
66. See the positive in every situation
67. Live my life however it makes me happy
68. Make good use of my time
69. Marry Razi (InsyaAllah, if we meant to be together)
70. I want to live a long and happy life. Make no mistakes.

Love Letter

My B,

I am so very, very sorry I hurt you. What I said was hurtful. I never meant to hurt you. I made a mistake. Sorry blame it on me. You have every right to be hurt and upset with me, I would be if I were your place. We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t imagine going through life without you to share its ups and downs.

I know you probably don’t trust me right now, but I will work very hard to regain that trust. I miss spending time with you and all the conversations we had. I am sincerely sorry and I will never speak to you like that again. I want to do whatever it takes to prove to you just how sorry I am. Will find it in your heart to please forgive me?

Loving you forever,

Your Syg

Feeling Hurt

Hurt with sadness

Hurt with pain
Hurt with hate

Hurt with the feeling its all my flaut

Hurt so bad

Crying my heart out

All i do is hurt

Two things scare me

The first is getting hurt

But that's not nearly as scary as the second

Which is losing

 

The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt

you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that

Happy 6th Month Anniversary My B

Today is our "official" 6th month anniversary. Who counts such things? Evidently I do now. I was just wondering if he cares about this or if its just kind of a girl thing to get all excited for. Six months is nothing in the grand scheme of things but "things" have been tough then six months is a big deal. Still, it's been a wonderful six months.

Love You more today than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow. :D It's been an amazing 6 months that flew by so quickly yet feels just as exciting and thrilling as the very first day. You mean everything to me and I'm the luckiest girl around to have you.

You are an amazing guy and I'm so thankful to have you in my life. You completely start my day when I get to talk to you. I don't remember the last time I felt so hopeful, so right about my life and the future and it's all because of you. Thank you b. I love you, and I can't wait to see you again (if possible). InsyaAllah.

Miss Him

You may not be his first, his last, or his only

He loved before he may love again

But if he loves you now, what else matters?

He’s not perfect - you aren’t either

And the two of you may never be perfect together

But if he can make you laugh, cause you to think twice

And admit to being human and making mistakes

Hold onto him and give him the most you can

He may not be thinking about you every second of the day

But he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break - his heart

So don’t hurt him, don’t change him, don’t analyze

And don’t expect more than he can give

Smile when he makes you happy, let him know smile when he makes you mad

And miss him when he’s not there

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Everyday i miss him so much that my heart wants to pop out

I felt like a piece of my puzzle is missing

I love him so much, and I miss him so-so-so much

"Happy 6th Month Anniversary, B"

Happy Eid-ul Fitr

The time have come again for all our muslim friends to travel back to their hometowns to celebrate and be with their families n loved ones during this Hari Raya. Here, i wish u all a "SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN" to my family members and all my friends. In the spirit of the season, offer my sincere apologies to all for any wrong that i've done or i've said. I hope that you would see me as a mere mortal with a lot of weaknesses. Please drive carefully when on the road.

♥ ♥ ♥

Before Hari Raya

Arrrggghhh...!! Have to wait until 4 pm. I thought firm would give us half day leave today but i was wronged. There are only 4 persons (Kak Eija, Kak Ema and Azie, all from Litigation Dept) in the company that doesn’t apply for any leave, that would include myself (on behalf of Conveyancing Dept)  of course.

What I really like when it’s the holiday season especially Raya is the absence of other people. It is less crowded, it’s not busy anymore and most of all, I have a lot of spaces. Too much I guess. Check out the Jalan Duta stretch which is normally jam-packed with cars during my morning drive to work and my office place.

No one is in my department?

A lot of my colleagues have already left town 2-3 days before today. Syiok ah?! If you are wondering why I’m still in town, I celebrate Hari Raya in Kuala Lumpur every year. My family, my grandma and my mama’s family and relatives are all living in Kuala Lumpur. KL is rock! Yehh.. Yehh..! Simply saying, you can say that I am a native KL people.  YES, I AM! I'm proud to be one of them. Anyway, I’m going back to work as usual on next Monday till Tuesday before take another 2 days AL on Wednesday and Friday. I hope next year would be different.

This year, I haven’t sent any Hari Raya cards to my friends except for a few SMSes and E-cards. Well, I guess I was too busy with my work and studies and have no enough time as well to buy and send it or is it just an excuses? My bad la. Oh well, here’s a card to all my muslim friends, followers and whoever reading this post.

I Had A Shock When I Started Tracking My Expenses!!

Recently I was introduced to this expenses tracking method. I have uploaded a file for keeping track of expenses. When I started off, it was shocking to see my spending pattern. Luckily I realised that before it was too late. Tracking your expenses is not difficult to do and anyone can easily do this.

I spend about ten minutes a day. Naturally your experience might vary, so I suggest you give it a try. It will probably turn out to be easier than you expected.

It is just about monitoring your daily expenses in order to see how is your spending pattern like, probably after a month, few months or even a year. By doing this, you will have a better understanding on your spending habit. You can also analyse on what are unnecessary spending that you can cut off.

Loving You So Much!

The moment I think about you
I go to another world
A world where you love me too
And where I can never be hurt

The truth is I don’t know what to say
My mind goes completely blank
I have never in my life lost my way
But my heart with your love simply sank


If letting  you go was a choice
Then I definitely would
But I can't control the strong voice
That's telling me I never should

I have no clue
On how I should let you go
What is it that you do?
That's making me love you so…

Maybe loving you isn’t a mistake
Maybe I can close my eyes and smile
Maybe in your presence my heart wouldn’t break
Maybe I can just dream for a while…

I sometimes wonder if you feel the same
I wonder if you think of me
I sometimes wonder if you silently call my name
I wonder if you'll ever see…

In the beginning I thought it was fake
I didn't think I'd go this far
I thought it was just a mistake
Now I can't stop wondering where you are

The question is do you care?
Do you even know?
Will you always be there?
Will you ever let me go?

If for any reason I cried

Would you take all the pain away?

If for any reason you lied

Would I still want you to stay?

My love for you is way too strong

For me to simply forget

Some people might think it's wrong

But your love is the one thing I shan't regret